Why Emma's had enough Christmas

After a week of celebrating and two 3 1/2 hour road trips, Emma curled up on my lap this evening and let out the longest most exhausting sigh and looked at me as if to ask if it was finally over.

Emma is a good dog. She lives up to her breed. Shih tzu's are loyal and lovable and centuries ago were bred to sit at the foot of the throne of their owners, who just happened to be asian royalty. When we brought her home she was small enough to fit in my cupped hands and was one ball of fluff. At her first vet appointment we all held our breath to see if she would weigh 3 lbs....she was 3lbs 1oz. Tiniest little package of love I ever received.

We had our rescue terrier Winnie when we brought Emma home and Winnie was a fairly good role model. She helped me house train her, taught her how to get excited when anybody came home, she was never exposed to barking at someone ringing the doorbell or knocking on the door. She worked feverishly to teach her by example, how to walk on a leash, not pull and she taught her how to snuggle and make Mommy feel special.

Some of the not so good things Winnie taught her have come back to haunt us and during the Christmas season, it is even more prevalent.








First of all strange, loud noises are scary. Especially the ones the fireplace screen makes if you throw something at it. "Santa comes in there? But, doesn't Santa know that the fireplace is scary." Anything that rattles, like party mix in a bowl or tin, will send her off to a distant bedroom. Wrapping paper, or any paper other than a chip bag, is the devil! The poor little thing has been on belly crawl for days now. First it made noise when Mom wrapped presents, then Mom & Dad
ripped it off and made more noise, then after my 3 1/2 hour drive to WV for Christmas at Aunt Dee Dee's,


























Emma would probably swear that every single person there was ripping and tearing paper just to torment her!








Why do humans wrap stuff??

Her final demise came this afternoon after we got back from our 3 1/2 hour ride home from WV with Trenton to celebrate our Christmas with him.





















Not only was every item wrapped in that hellish wrapping paper, but it all came in cardboard boxes which must be ripped or cut open and make more noise and we must remember, the kid is 4 years old, so just about all of his toys either move, to chase her, make a loud noise to scare her, or both! Poor Emma!

My poor little 8lbs ball of fur is exhausted. She has been chased by a big blue ford truck, a helicopter with moving action chopper blades, a devilish remote controlled John deer tractor that Trenton isn't very good at driving just yet, she has had to listen to lego's being dumped from the John deer tractors detachable hauler over and over and over, and all she wants is peace and quiet and mommy's lap.

Sorry Emma....Trenton's here until New Years Day, so it's gonna be noisy for several more days. Hopefully some long walks will help reduce her anxiety. But for now, while he is sleeping she is too! She has had enough...I am sure she is thinking: "No more wrapping paper, no more boxes, and when do the batteries die in all those moving toys?"








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Merry Christmas from The Milams

Christmas was fairly quiet here. David and I followed the normal family traditions....coffee, followed by canned cinnamon rolls then presents. The unwrapping was very civilized and even though we both couldn't buy, wrap or give each other the two gifts we both wanted, the exchange was more than successful.

It's funny, yesterday David kept saying he had to shop for me? There WAS only one gift under the tree. And honestly, I was good with that! I tried all day to convince him of that, but, I don't think he realizes that just having him here and celebrating another Christmas, despite a year of much turmoil in our lives, was all I really needed.

He definitely surprised me with an iPad! I never even thought about it and he remembered that I had eyeballed the new red watch by fossil! He is to good to me, and I hope he realizes how much I appreciate all he does.

Shopping for him, the typical man is always hard. Of course he likes new clothes, because he rarely buys them for himself, but this year I scored big. After much research I decided on a Kindle Touch....and he really loves it. He was playing with it as much as I was playing with my new apple toy!

Midday came and while I was scurrying to get our Christmas dinner ready he informed me, several times, that my Skype was ringing. My favorite gift of the day! She couldn't physically come home, but Skype allowed me and Chelsea to stare at each other, chitter-chatter and then I was with her while she opened gifts! Having my baby girl thousands of miles away in a war zone at Christmas was hard, but thanks to modern technology, it went smooth! I hope she realizes how much we love her and how grateful we are for her sacrifice and that we couldn't be prouder!!


The rest of day was filled with family calls and more playing...I used the iPad to FaceTime with Dory and her family. Bailey got to show me all her toys and then she fed her new Baby Alive and then cleaned up the mess...it was a wonderfully classic moment.."Ewww...she pooed!"


Christmas is about family and memories. We will head to WV on wednesday and exchange presents....I bet that baby will be hungry again by then and Aunt Bevy would love to help!

I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas filled with Love, Memories and that the approaching New Year is a blessed one, full of goodness and more of that much deserved love. Thanks for taking a few minutes to share your Christmas with me! Emma and are off to bed...Christmas 2011...almost done.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

There certainly isn't any stirring going on here. This may be one of the quietest Christmas Eve's of my life. Not a single child is present...even Emma is on quiet snuggle mode! It's a Wonderful Life is playing in the background as I type, and I can sympathize with old George Bailey. Life doesn't always end up the way you plan and the plans you make for it sometimes seem to get all mixed up. Please don't get me wrong, I love the life that David and I have made for each other. Actually, he is my greatest strength and he keeps me going. Sometimes when things seems so bleak and wrong, we lean on each other to get through it.

Everybody asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year. I really only had 2 completely unobtainable, impossible items. So, as a peace offering I will ask that everybody pray. Pray hard that God continues to keep Chelsea safe and brings her home safe and sound in February, and then pray for our two older children. Remember the blog about the Giraffe and children's free will? Well, that wonderful gift of free will may be their demise. I love all three of our children. Not a one of them can deny that. But, those two older children need more than a mother's love. I pray that prayers and God's intervention is the answer. I have no more suggestions, answers and certainly no more patience for any of it.

Merry Christmas Eve...

DONE!

All gifts are completely bought and wrapped with care and waiting under the tree! Well, with the exception for 3 packages on their way via ups. The poor UPS guy and I are on a first name basis. Today when he dropped of yet the 4th day of packages I smiled and thanked him and even joked that I was gonna have to invite him to dinner for all his timely deliveries. He smiled back and said, "That would be a change from all the drive thru meals I have been eating all week!"

This years selection was difficult, due to my perfect gift requirements. But, I am pretty sure I have accomplished just that! I cannot wait to see all the smiles and coo's....I simply LOVE Christmas!!
The only thing that would make it perfect would be if Chelsea's deployment was over...but, we will have to wait until February for that, so looks like it's gonna be a Skype Christmas for me!

Finding the PERFECT presents?

Maybe it's genetic, or could it be a learned behavior? Im not sure which it is, but, I am sure it is a curse!

Buying a gift for christmas is a very daunting task for me.  Probably because I set my expectations too high? Frantically, I rack my brain, search the internet and paying way to close to every little word that is spoken around me. Why is it so darn important? The gift is suppose to be just that...a gift.

Not in my teensy little mind. A gift should be thoughtful, generous and something the receiver would not buy for themselves yet would love to obtain. I want the gift to be memorable, a tangible piece of love and goodwill. That mentality has to come from my true love of the season and the knowledge that Santa Claus does exists. He lives in each of us. Never, once can I recall not getting that one true thing I desired or wished I could obtain. The one thing I would never buy myself. It always appears...the one thing I never tell anyone that I want, the single item I secretly long to have, is always under the tree. And I know in my heart of hearts, Santa Claus puts it there.

Shopping on the other hand can be cumbersome, frightening and sometimes death defying. People pushing and shoving and trying to buy any gift at a steal and a deal. Getting to meander through the malls enjoying the lights and the sounds of carols in the distance, well, it doesn't happen here. People crowd and rush past. Have they forgotten the purpose of the gift? I think so. Why else would 2000 people stand in line in the middle of the night to get a television for dirt cheap? Seems they only reason would be to have a wrapped present, not the gift.

Do you guys remember when we were little? Shopping was an event. Bundling up to visit the local big chain stores, and they weren't all lumped together in a mall. So you needed that coat, hat and mittens to keep you warm as you trekked between them. The greatest sight there was were the big elaborate window displays. Some chains in bigger cities, like New York still have them and they work on the all year long. As it should be.

I miss those days. Fat fluffy Santa's with lines all around the store. Tall regal decorated tree's with the most beautiful ornaments,and Christmas Spirit. It was everywhere. People were polite, kind and they took their time. During my adventure out to find the last few gifts I experienced some of the rudest people ever. Nobody smiled and my cheerful "Merry Christmases" fell on deaf ears. Not one person attempted to say it back. That did not stop me, it actually fueled me to be even more aggressive about it. I got louder and showed more teeth and stared deep into their eyes as the day wore on. I shopped for my thoughtful gifts, went to several stores and continued my Merry Christmas rantings, and when I was at the last store in the last checkout, I broke down. I waited my turn and when he stepped in line behind me I just knew he was gonna be trouble. He hemmed and huffed, impatiently waited as the clerk scanned my items and when she had to take time to correct a price on one item for me, he really got noisy and started pacing in his spot. SO, I turned around took two steps toward him and smiled real big and blurted out, "Merry Christmas Mister, I hope this behavior doesn't get you on the naughty list? Patience is a virtue, and I apologize for doing my Christmas shopping in front of you. I pray God blesses you this coming year."

The lady behind was giggling and the clerk just stood there with her chin on the cash register. She was only doing her job, and it only took 2 extra minutes. I am sure she has numerous thoughts of what she would like to say to those rude, obnoxious patrons. That was my gift to her and I told her that. I spun around, leaned over the belt, smiled at her and in a soft quiet voice said, "Merry Christmas, sorry people cant remember their manners.This was my gift to you! I appreciate what you did and what you do everyday here." She handed me my reciept and said, with a big grin on her face, "Thank you! And Merry Christmas to you!"

Shopping in Cincinnati shouldn't be a chore. It should be a joy, and fun, especially at Christmas time. It is a beautiful city...some of the occupants should just stop and enjoy it for the moment. Maybe they would find their Christmas Spirit too?

Mission Accomplished!!

All the stockings were hung....on her decorated door!! Ok! Now I can divulge what my secret mission was that brought me Christmas Spirit! You see her there...standing and grinning from ear to ear? Yep, that was part of it!I rushed to the discount store, scoured the racks and managed to find a door cover, lights, ornaments, hooks and a tiny little tree and then rushed home, singing those Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs. I placed them in a box that included more of MOMS party mix, homemade Christmas Candy, mascara, tea, drink mixes, tape and more goldfish!

That was last Wednesday....usually, it takes 6 full days for my packages to get to her? Not this time! The package arrived in a record 4 days! I think maybe Santa Claus had something to do with it!! See there is more Christmas Spirit!

It's funny but when I told her she could throw it all away when the Christmas season was over, she apologized? Nah, I said! That is why I bought the cheap ones...I never expected her to hang on to any of it. Well, maybe one of the jingle bell ornaments....remember in the Polar Express when you believe you can hear the bells? She told me when she went to pick up the box she heard it jingle! She said she thought to herself, "she didn't" and then she opened the box, and said, "She DID!"

Merry Christmas Airmen Bennett....even though your thousands of miles away from home, we haven't forgotten about you and we think about you and miss you every day! God bless you and keep you safe...and bring you home to us...SOON!!!

Geez MOM...how many pictures does it take?

Poor Emma! We started our day off right...a little coffee, oatmeal, and the Today show followed by a quick run to the post office and the store. Upon my return, Emma was tickled pink I was home. Little did she know, it wasn't in her best interest. 

We were off to the bathtub and then I had to chase her with the blow-dryer. She hates that thing, but we were pressed for time and I wanted her hair to be just perfect for her photo shoot. Three sessions later and I can't decide which shots I like best. David was no help. This is my department and my choice...ughhhh, I need help. It is just too hard. Here are some of the ok ones, but I am holding back the 1/2 dozen I can't decide on, because they will be the one on the Christmas card. Do you like them?

She was pretty good...but the last several shots she was just laying there playing possum. She is done with pictures. Even if I am not! What a trooper....Good Girl Emma Grace!

I found a little of that missing Christmas Spirit.

As I start this blog, it is almost midnight. Whew..what a day, it was long and filled with a lot of memories and I am glad it is about to end and I can put to rest all the thoughts of days past and things I wish I could say. Funny though, amidst all the emotion of the day I managed to find a little bit of that missing Christmas spirit. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible. My mind was set on being completely and totally depressed throughout the rest of this holiday season. There was a different plan!

After my mission...and I cannot divulge what my mission is just yet. You guys will have to wait a few days for that, I was driving home from Blanchester where my Zumba girls took a few extra minutes to listen to me complain about the state of affairs oversea's and my constant worry and fretting over Chelsea, and I caught myself, smiling and I had turned the radio up which was turned to a 24/7 Christmas music station and I was singing. Loud and strong. Hitting all the notes and using my voice to sing out my new found joy. My mission was just what I needed to end my sulking and the spirit of the season had found me.

Part of the joy this season is truly in the giving. Don't lose sight of that. Find a needy family, donate your time, go pull a couple angel's off the Christmas tree at the mall. You could even go to the Armed Forces, or Blue Star mother's websites and they can direct you on how to send a gift of something as simple as a stocking filled with deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste and all the normal stocking stuffer items to a solider deployed over seas.(hint...hint.. my mission included.....HINT)

Tomorrow, Emma and I are going to work on HER Christmas pictures, and I am excited about it. With that said,  I found some of that missing Christmas Spirit! Fa la la la la la la.....

What December 6th represents for me.

Snow, Christmas, family, and the knowledge that time marches on, things change and our choices in life ultimately decide our outcomes.

In the wee hours of this date 4 years ago, and it seems unreal to me that it has been 4 years now. My Mother passed away. We brought her to our home, set her up in the spare bedroom with her hospital bed, her crazy cat, Bear, then David re-wired the house so she could have satellite tv and the waiting and taking care of her began. Being a nurse, I knew she was very sick. I also knew that her time her on earth was limited. But, I had no idea how limited it was. She was only there for about one week. When we realized she was fading quick, I called my middle sister home and, on December 6th in the early morning hours, me and my two sister, Larissa and Dory sat at her bedside, and said our goodbyes.  None of us were ready for it. Is anybody ever really ready for it?

Mom always made Christmas special. She would string lights on anything that didn't move. She would play Christmas music on the record player, watched every Christmas special on TV with us, she would shop and find some of the best deals, and then hide all the presents all over the house. I was the best at finding the hiding places and yes, I was the peeker.

Every year she made homemade ornaments and we all have those on our tree in honor of her. She loved Christmas!! That is probably why I love it soo much. We never really had much. We were always way below the poverty level. But, that didn't stop her. She would shop in the basement of the Diamond and Stone and Thomas, scour the sales racks downtown and head off to Kmart, Heck;s or Hill's to make sure we had lots of presents to open. I remember vividly only having one MUST have on my list every year, and now that I think about it, that worked to her advantage. She would wrap them all...and there would always be just one or two practical gifts from her, the rest would be from Santa. She was the Christmas Queen!

Today, I try really hard to continue her traditions. Party mix is always baked the first week of December. Cookies are a must on a snowy afternoon. Christmas music can be heard in my car and if you randomly drop by, you may catch me belting out Christmas tunes.And I DO place lights on just about everything that doesn't move.

I had her the longest...I am the oldest. Actually, I had four years of just her and I. Nothing will every replace or take away the love I have for her. There are a lot of good memories mixed with melancholy ones. I wish I could have gotten through to her. Just once, I wish she would've chosen us over the alcohol for good. What a different ending to her story would it have made? Or would it have changed things? I believe our days are numbered and they are written in the book of life. That being said, I feel that she would have left on this date no matter what choices she had made. It just seems sad that she missed out on so much because she was drinking and that she is missing out on so much stuff now because ultimately, the alcohol did it's damage to her body and took her too soon.

What would she think of Alex, all grown up? She was his biggest cheerleader and I know she would be pushing him from behind, encouraging him every step of the way. She would be soo proud of Chelsea. I can hear her now telling everyone she meets about her being in Afghanistan, and just exactly how brave and unselfish our Chelsea is. Now, it's her job to watch over her and protect her while she is oversea's and keep her out of harm's way. Then there is Drew, smart and tall and looking like a fantastic combination of both his maternal grandfathers...she would beam to see him now and would love to be at his graduation. When I think about the new additions, Bailey, Nate and Lillian, I feel sad. Sad she never held them. she isn't carrying their baby pictures in her crazy little cigarette case. Sad that those babies will never see her face light up when they come into the room.

 

Sad that Rissa and Dory, like me can't just pick up the phone and call her. Filling her in on all the latest news and goings on.

This year it is tough, I miss her and wish I had her support to get through all of this, but, it doesn't hurt as much. It's just a sad day that brings up a lot of what if's and if only's. Rest in Peace Peggy Ann....your family still misses you.

The Milam tree is up :)

We have decked the halls...well, sorta. It has rained every since we loaded the tree that took an hour and 27 thousand trips down each aisle to find. Long or short needle, tall or short. Man, the decisions were hard and in the end, I lifted this one, and said, "This is it." David was just glad the ordeal was over.

Several times he said, "Looks like were just gonna have to buy a fake tree. God doesn't always make them as perfect as you want." But, I kept looking and standing them up, spinning them and searching for the ONE that would be just right for us. In the end, I found it!

After years of a fake tee, we needed lights to string and we decided to go retro. All C9 bulbs, no little twinkling lights. We both were slightly hesitant at first, but as we sat in the dark watching a hallmark movie it was unanimous, we love our retro real tree with big bulbs!

Decorating was odd. Just me and David. No giggling children, laughing at the homemade ornaments of years past. No memories shared over any particular ornaments and the obvious missing Chelsea made the task, solemn. But, it is done and we will enjoy every quiet evening in front of it.

If the rain ever lets up, we will string the one set of twinkling lights out around our patio. Just for Trenton to enjoy. Then our decking the halls will be complete. Merry Christmas.....

Where are you Christmas?

Today is the day.....we are off to search for the perfect Christmas tree. It seems strange, almost like going through the motions. At one time, I would be super excited about finding the perfect tree, decking the halls. Especially knowing we are getting a real live tree! We have been slaves to the pre-lit, Japanese manufactured tree for the past 6-7 years and last year the tree that stole David's job of stringing the lights completely died. So this year it is a real, pine smelling, water daily kinda tree....that should be exciting in itself!

My Zumba playlist is riddled with Latin Christmas music, and I keep the local 24/7 Christmas music playing radio station on in my car. But, for lots of reasons, I am having trouble finding my Christmas spirit and joy. I LOVE Christmas and simply adore Christmas music. It takes up 85% of my memory on my phone. The sparkle and wonder seems so far away this year. More than the thousands of miles that separate us from Chelsea, or the distance of family living here in the states. I know and truly believe the reason for Christmas and I will admit that I sometimes think we lose sight of what the season of Christmas is all about. Truly, I am grateful for the reason for the season. Celebrating the birth of Jesus is important and necessary in our family.But, I also want the child like magic that modern times and commercialization have attached to it. The family, the friends, the gatherings and the joy.

Maybe a tall regal tree filled with c7 multicolored lights will help? I sure hope so. This just isn't like me. Christmas is my thing. I usually spend all year thinking about it, planning for it and chomping at the bit to start the Christmas music and drag out the hideous Christmas Sweaters, and I would have certainly started my shopping.  This year feels so odd.

I feel like Cindy Loo Hoo.....http://youtu.be/tc7XixGmQt8

This Thanksgiving we were Thankful for family

The table was set...all the adults were assembled..and then we prayed. We prayed for peace, goodwill and continued blessings to our family and all its branches. This was the first year in 3 that NOBODY had any announcements. It seemed a little sad to me. But, given the ages of our children. It was very appropriate. They go as follows: 23 x 2, 20, 18, 4,3,2, and 5 months. Us older adults can enjoy the wee ones and the older children can just wait to add to the tree.

This year we tried something different. Rissa and Walt opted to stay in a hotel, so on Friday night, we pumped up the air mattresses and all the "wee" ones had they're first sleep over. I remember those days, do you? All the family gathered together. The noise, the laughter, the food and the cousins all piled up for a sleepover. I was glad they got to experience this. The only thing missing was mom. She would've been the one responsible for making this happen, but Dory and I took control and it was a success!

Drew, Dory's oldest was off in Virginia with his dad and grandma, Chelsea is still overseas on her first deployment, but she stopped by via Skype and chatted with each of us and then she simply sat on her computer from a thousand miles away and watched the sisters cook, talk, fuss and even giggle. I am sure it was nice to have a little piece of home on that day, but it was also hard not being able to reach out and hug each other, sit and gab and just be in the same room of the same house on her first Thanksgiving away from home. Alex was absent as well when we sat down to dinner, he was working, trying to get a head. But he showed up a few hours later and filled a plate and stuffed himself just like we did. It is funny, but Dory was worried about having enough seating. It was the missing ones that had the majority. But, we shared yet another Thanksgiving together and remembered each and every year we have had together and we were and are grateful for each and every one.

They ate together, played together and made wonderful memories to last a lifetime. I kept the camera handy and took lots of pictures, just for the proof. Here is what remains....

Thanksgiving Memories 2011

Thanksgiving has passed and we are all Thankful for family. For those who are near and far. On a mission or attempting to find their way in life. Family is forever, if they will remember that, plus all the values they have been taught then I know they will all be ok and maybe someday I will pass the blogging and photography over. Until then, I will watch through my lens and capture our memories.